


Formerly Known as Hel

by mindinmarianatrench



Series: The Wolf, The Serpent and The Female Being [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cursing/Abusive Words?, F/M, Gen, M/M, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindinmarianatrench/pseuds/mindinmarianatrench
Summary: When your past caught up to you in the form of your father. Just in time for Christmas.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for SPNNC Writing Challenge hosted by @supernotnaturalcas on Tumblr. I intended to write a smut based on the given prompt but somehow it turned into this angst filled fic. Still scratching my head on the how. If you’re not familiar with the some of the mythological beings, please refer the end note. That said, I shaped the myth to fit my fic.
> 
> Prompt:  
> 25) “I think I’ve earned your trust, I’ve done good things for you.”
> 
> “No, you’ve done good things for yourself, sweetheart.”

Of the millions of times that you imagined your reunion with your father, you honestly did not see this coming. You thought that the reunion would be all rainbow and sunshine, with you being happy seeing him again after years and years of looking for him all over the world… Or at least indifferent. It has been a long time since you had a father, after all. So yeah, you totally did not expect that you would be pounding your father’s face over and over the minute you saw him again.

“How could you just left us on our own, you stupid son of a gun! This one is for Kurt, he of the three of us knew you wouldn’t come to our rescue. He blamed himself for not being able to save me! You, you were the one who were supposed to save us! And this one is for Jonathan, he almost killed himself trying to get to me! Where were you then, you old coot! This one is from me, you spineless twerp! I waited for you! Until the end, I waited for you to come for me! And this one is for my Sammy! How dare you did that to him! I watched him cry for you, you…!” You screamed at the man underneath you. You rained punch after punch on your father and even got in a few kicks, as Dean and Cas restrained you and dragged you into one of the bunker bedrooms.

“What the hell was that, Y/N?” Dean asked, looking at you disbelievingly. You did not answer him for you were still trying to tamp down all of the leftover rage. You might not have much humanity in you, but you have gotten close to the Winchesters and you did not want to lash out to either of the men you now consider part of your family. “Dean, let her calm down first,” Cas said as he regarded you carefully. “Calm down, calm down?! Cas, she just went she-Hulk smash… How is he, Sam?” Dean’s diatribe was thankfully cut short when Sam came in. “He’s not dying but Cas, can you go and see if you could heal him? I think she broke his nose and his jaw,” he said. You looked at your feet in shame. You did not mean to do this to Sam. You of all people knew what your father meant to him.

“Y/N…” Sam sighed. “What going on, sweetheart?” he asked gently. You immediately went to him and hugged him, burying your face on his chest. Tears started to stream down your face, and you really really wanted to tell them everything but you don’t think you can. Not yet. You needed to get a good grip on your emotions first. “Will you trust me if I said that it was nothing?” you asked hopefully, still hiding your face. Sam laughed and Dean snickered. “After all that rage when all we were used to get from you was that annoyingly cheery attitude that even Crowley found more torturous than his best tortures?” Dean cheekily answered for Sam. “Hey, he loves me as I am. And I did my crying time when I lost Cookie on your shoulders. That dog was almost everything to me,” you countered and made yourself more comfortable on Sam’s lap when he sat the both of you down on the bed. 

Sam kept rocking your body, trying to calm you down and you could tell that it was starting to work. Sam said, “Yeah, you sure surprised us that night. Suddenly appearing with a dead dog and crying your eyes out,” “We didn’t really know what to do with you, kiddo. What do you do when a cute little demon that went incommunicado for a while and was presumed dead, suddenly showed up to demand that you help her bury her dog.” “And cried for the whole night after commanding three grown man, one who is my big brother and another his boyfriend, to get on the bed for a platonic cuddling,” “Uhuh, and refusing to let any of us go for the whole night too. No doubt, that was still one of the weirdest night for me,” Dean and Sam finished each other’s sentences. You still remember that night, that was the first time you realized that you felt safe from anything, even from your own mind, whenever you were with them. Just like when you were with Kurt and Joe and that means a lot to you. Then and now.

 

You were almost lulled to sleep by his heartbeat and rocking, your rare emotional outburst took a toll on you, when Sam tried to broach the main issue again. “Y/N, I still want to know why…” “I have my reasons. Can’t you just trust me with that? Come on, I think I’ve earned your trust, I’ve done good things for you guys, didn’t I?” you interrupted Sam before he could finish. “No, you’ve done good things for yourself, sweetheart,” Dean said as he ruffled your hair, showing that he did not mean his words. You were still going to refute that statement when you realized that it was actually true. Everything you did for the Winchesters were in fact, for yourself. To help you with the long forgotten quest, to find your father. Ah, Hel, you were going to have to tell them the truth after all. A knock from Cas and Hela, the Labrador that Dean gave to you as a new pet after the Cookie fiasco, came into the room and straight towards you, sensing your distress. Behind Cas, your father’s newly healed face came into view. You knew should have punched him harder. Sam went to his mate when he saw him. Your father looked at you sheepishly and opened his mouth to say something. You waited, wanting to know what your father would say to you after a myriad of years of abandonment.

“So… you named your dog after yourself?” Ah, yes, such profound words from your father. Maybe you should have bashed his head with a baseball bat, one that’s covered with barbed wires instead. That would have saved your hands from touching that slime ball. “I would have named him Loki, father, but then I didn’t want to curse him with limitless cowardice,” you growled to your father. Cas and Sam went pale. Only Dean got enough faculties to stutter out, “Father? Gabriel is your father?” “Well, the last I saw him he was in another meat suit but one of my powers is to be able to recognize blood. And unfortunately, his do run in mine,” you sneered. Hela could feel your anger rising and the smart dog as he was, decided to take cover in your bedroom. “Hel…” the archangel formerly known as Loki said softly, but hearing him utter your birth name only made you angrier. Any control of your emotion that you had from Sam and Dean calming you down just now had evaporated, blown away by the fiery wrath that was thousands of years in the making. 

“You knew Iárnvidia never cared about us, she practically shoved us to you right after each of us were born, went on her merry way until she needed you for her witchcraft again. So Fenrir, Jormungand and me never expected her to go against Odin’s edict. But you were Loki the Cunning, father, you could’ve found a way to save us. And you didn’t! Do you know what the gods did to Fenrir, father? They leashed him and fettered him to a rock and watched him struggling as entertainment for hundreds of years! And when he pleaded to them to let me and Jormungand go, they thrust a sword in his mouth to shut him up. I heard his pained howls all the way in Hel!” you shouted to Gabriel. You put your hands over your ears, your brother’s pained howling was so real in your mind, and you had to take a moment to remind yourself that Fenrir was still alive. That he had already hunted down, and ate, most of the gods and goddesses that tortured him.

Gabriel looked away but you were not finished. “And Jormungand, Odin tried to drown Jorm by throwing him in the icy ocean. Hah, the jokes on him since Jorm can hold his breath for a long time and just faked his death by going underwater. Only, Thor the Bloodthirsty was smart enough to wait to see if Jormungand would resurface and Jorm actually almost died from the cold and air deprivation before Thor gave up. Jorm was weak when he washed ashore and was found only to be enslaved by a giant king who was surprise, surprise, named after you, father. And just like you, King Loki hated Thor but was too chicken to do anything about it himself. So he disguised Jorm and pitted him against Thor every month, using him like a fighting dog and flaying Jorm’s skin every time he lost against the son of Odin. Again, and again, and again until the day Jormungand was sure that he has enough venom to kill the King of Giants in one bite. And even then, he almost didn’t make it since Thor saw him without the king’s enchantment and tried to kill Jorm.” You could still remember the Jonathan before he met his selkie mate, always avoiding physical touch even from you and Kurt. To him, it felt like knives on his skin. Only after Liliwen that he could tolerate some hugs from you.

Cas sat on the bed. The angel hugged and rocked you, mirroring what Sam had done before. He knew you were not finished. He was there for you on the nights that you couldn’t handle closing your eyes, your fear of the darkness trumps over your desire to sleep. On those nights, you would sneak into his and Dean’s bedroom and he would let you into the bed, sandwiching you between him and Dean until it was dawn and you sneak back into your own room. Dean stood next to you and Cas, fists clenched. He looked as if he was both angry and afraid, afraid to know what had happened to you. Dean had never asked you directly about your nightmares and had always pretended to be asleep and ignorant of your nightly visit. You did not dare to look at Sam. You knew how much he loved Gabriel, and truly, you never intended for Sam to know about your relationship with Gabriel but now you just couldn’t stop.

You stared at nothing, suddenly lost in that scary place you can’t seem to escape even when you were in Hell. “And as for me, father,” your voice breaks. “They locked me in that place you named me after. After I got out, I kept wondering why you did name me after that awful place. Did you hate me that much, from the moment I was born? You never told me that it was so cold and dark in Hel, father. And that the Garmrs were a vicious lot. Always chasing me for any scraps of frostbitten meat from my body for snacks. Eight thousands years, father, I was in that coldness, in that darkness living in fear of the noises of the dark. My only companions were the souls of those who did not die on the battlefield and even then they kept getting eaten by the Garmrs. And later, when all of the Garmr died after the souls stopped coming to Hel… Then, I was truly alone. I almost went crazy… Heck, I’m still not sure whether I’m sane or not after all those years in the complete silence, father. I did everything to get out of there. I’ve tried everything! It was only when Yggdrasil started to die that I managed to break out and even then, I thought I’ve lost everything. I couldn’t find Fenrir, Jormungand nor you. The world had changed too much for me to fit in by then. It was by chance I found Hell and it was very different from my Hel. I was so much a better fit there that when I pretended to be a demon, I managed to fool even Lilith. What does that says about me, father?” you ranted. Almost done, you thought. 

“And you know what? I might have forgiven you for all that, father. What you’ve done to your children because you were Loki. But why did you do it to Sam too?” you whimpered. Sam looked away from Gabriel to you, startled. You were not sure, your own tears blinded you but you thought he was crying too. You refused to look at Gabriel for fear that you would see nothing but indifference there. “When they re-opened the Gate of Hell, I thought nothing of the Winchesters except for a passing gratitude. I don’t really care about the Apocalypse because Fenrir was finally near enough for me to sense. And through him, I found Jorm again. Was I to die then, I would have died happily,” 

“But then I heard about how you helped the Winchester brothers escaped the Old Gods and even got ‘killed’ by Lucifer for your effort. And I thought, what made them so special that you were willing to die for them? So, I stalked them. And when I saw Sam, I knew why. You two are soulmates, and you’ve bonded to him. It was so strong, the bond sang to me, so much so that it convinced me that you were still alive. I kept following them, hoping to get to you but I waited and I waited and all I see is how much Sam was suffering from your absence. And to see a human carrying all that pain, all that burden and yet still have the strength to move forward, still hoping for a better tomorrow… It humbled me as it flamed my resentment towards you, father. I tried my best but I couldn’t save him from Lucifer and the cage. Part of me even thought that Sam did not want to be saved because he went into the pit so readily, all because he thought that you were dead. And after he got out, even when he was soulless, I could still see his pain of losing you. He mourned for you, father. All this time!” you said while maintaining eye contact with Sam. You could feel all those dark feelings leached out of your being, leaving you a new kind of peace. You knew it won’t be permanent, the past would always catch up to you but then you were no longer alone to face it.

 

A sudden sound of fluttering wings, and your father left the room. Everyone looked where Gabriel was standing but did not move to search for him, not even Sam. “But Y/N, if you knew Gabriel… Loki won’t come for me, why did you came to us after I got out of the cage?” Sam asked you hoarsely. “Because by then, I already liked you, Dean and Cas. And that you guys kept teaching me the best of humanity, when I used to see them as nothing more than an animal. Plus, I wanted to know more about angels. I never met them before I got out of Hell and when I met them, their graces calls to me. Probably because technically we’re family. Then there was the mess with the Leviathan… Sorry, Cas.” you answered him softly. Gabriel’s absence made it possible for you to regain control of your emotion faster. “It’s nothing, Y/N” Cas answered reassuringly. “I didn’t want to see any of you to die, so I helped you guys… And here we are. I just didn’t think I’d ever see my father again… I mean, I know he’s a good guy to you. And that you guys must be happy that he came back and I truly didn’t mean to let my feelings got ahead of me… I, I mean, it just happened. I’m sorry Sam,” you apologized to Sam. 

He nodded to you but kept looking at the door. You realized that you loved Sam too much to do this to him. “Sam, despite everything I said just now, I really think you should go after him,” you continued. He looked at you as if you’re crazy. So Loki was a crappy father, but after all that had happened, Sam deserves to find happiness even if it was with that said crappy father. “What happened to me, was between me and him. I shouldn’t have involved your relationship in our messy past. That still won’t mean I won’t let my brothers beat him up later, though. We deserve to give him a good thrashing for what he didn’t do. Now go after that jerk and bring him home. I promise I won’t punch him this time,” you told him. Sam smiled warmly at you and ran out of the room, leaving you, Cas and Dean alone in the room. Your father better made Sam happy this time, or you would do everything you can to sever the soulmate bond between them.

After few moments of silence watching the door, Dean suddenly asked you, “Let’s step back a minute. You said you were pretending to be a demon… You are not a demon?” “Uh, no. I’m simply Hel. I might be classified as a goddess but I don’t have followers and my powers are not tied to them. And as far as I know, there’s no other being like me. The closest being that resembles me was Lilith. Her strength, most of the powers… Except for the possession part. This is my real body, though I can shift it to whichever human form I wanted… Oh, and I can’t turn souls into demons. I just stole from other demons and said that I turned them. The real tormentors didn’t seem to mind after I killed them,” you explained smiling a little bit “So… the first time we met, you were never trapped in the devil’s trap?” Dean asked again. You giggled, remembering the trap. You were not actually trapped, but you did not escape it simply because you forgot that you were not really a demon. “Nope. The holy water didn’t hurt, exorcism does nothing to me, I can cross hallowed grounds and salt lines, et cetera, et cetera,” you told them both, smiling a little bit wider. You are one awesome being. You then looked at Cas, who has been silent for a while now. 

Cas was staring at you. It would have unnerved you but you knew he was just taking his time thinking things through. “Cas, say something,” you asked, leaning into him when he took such a long time. Dean sat down on your other side, looking at Cas questioningly. “Y/N, if you’re Gabriel’s daughter, doesn’t it mean you’re my niece? And that would mean that I’m an uncle?” Cas asked with wide eyes. “I have brothers, remember? So you have nephews too,” you added and his eyes opened wider. You grinned, feeling happy again. Oh boy, if Cas was this excited of having you and your brothers as part of his family, he has another surprise coming next week. You had managed to convince the boys to rent a huge vacation home in the middle of nowhere for Christmas celebration. You had told them that you wanted to introduce your brothers to them and they accepted your reasoning. 

What you conveniently forgot to tell them was that Kurt and Jonathan would also be bringing their families with them. Or in this case, Jonathan with his mate and their never ending broods of pups and Kurt with his many packs of sled dogs that he calls family. You would need to call your brothers and tell them about Gabriel joining the celebration, of course. It would make things a bit awkward at Christmas, but then what are family reunions without a little bit of tensions and some intentional accidental punching? 

As let yourself get pulled into the kitchen by Cas while Dean started to prepare some food for you and cuddling Hela who was finally brave enough to nuzzle you later that day, you wondered whether Crowley would survive the Christmas retreat. He had told you he that wanted to ask your brothers for your hand in marriage then, and you thought he might have a good chance for a green light but with Cas suddenly acting very protective of you, doing his duty as an uncle, and with Gabriel there… Well, as the Volvas had spoken long ago, wherever Loki goes, there will be mayhem.

**Author's Note:**

> Hel/Hela - Loki’s daughter with giantess Iárnvidia, youngest of three. Simply said to be a female being, sent to Hel (place) to rule over the dead souls that did not go to Odin or Freyja. *In the fic she was imprisoned for being Loki’s offspring and was foretold to be the bringers of Ragnarok.
> 
> Hel (place) - The realm of the dead where souls that did not die from battle went to. Ruled by Hel and guarded by Garmr. Cold and dark. *A realm that was set as a cage for Garmrs and a prison for Hel.
> 
> Iárnvidia - A giantess who practices witchcraft. Mothered three of Loki’s offsprings; Fenrir, Jormungand and Hel.
> 
> Fenrir - The eldest of three. His shape was huge wolf and was considered as the father of all wolves. Was fettered to a rock because his strength caused fear among the gods. *Was fettered in wolf form but shape shifted into the shape of a man and renamed himself Kurt. A professional sled dog trainer.
> 
> Jormungand - The second born. His shape was a serpent that was huge enough to go around the earth and bit his own tail. Was considered an ouroboros. Thrown into the ocean by Odin. *Shortened name Jorm. Was a serpent but shape shifted into the shape of a man and renamed himself Jonathan. Prefer living near water and was the origin of Nessie in Loch Ness and Taniwha in New Zealand legends.
> 
> King Loki - A King of Giants with power of illusion. Changed Jormungand’s shape into a huge cat to trick Thor. *Enslaved Jorm and was killed after bitten by the serpent.
> 
> Selkie - Seal shape shifter of Scottish folklore. *Jorm’s mate Liliwen was a selkie.
> 
> Garmr - Wolf-like creature that guards Hel (place). Was thought to be another name for Fenrir. *More similar to hellhound or cerberus. Eats dead souls. Can eat dead flesh.
> 
> Yggdrasil - The tree of life. Hel was one of the realms that exists under it’s roots.
> 
> Volvas - Seer, women who can see the future and gave prophecies. Loki’s three offspring was foretold to be the bringer of Ragnarok so the gods did what was done to Fenrir, Jormungand and Hel.
> 
> * - Things that was changed to fit the story.


End file.
